Sunday, 15 April 2012

What a difference 10 years makes

People I love (the one on the right is the one
whose ring I wear ;-)
They say that you are a completely different person every seven years, that every cell has been shed and renewed. I think for me it took a little longer, but my life ten years ago and today is like midnight and midday.
Ten years ago I had just moved into a new house. It was a house bought on the cheap with the idea of 'doing it up', there was so much that needed doing to it, but it was liveable in till all the things were done. My parents came round to see it, and you could see they were less than majorly impressed, maybe a little disappointed that I had now moved into something that was so much less that I had had 15 years before that when I had been living the suburban dream. But it was a move up from the one bedroom flat that had been previously. Dad was getting progressively weaker with his emphysema, I was estranged from the rest of the family.
I was in a decidedly destructive relationship, addictive and black, however I was still harbouring hopes of finally getting pregnant, even though I was past forty.
Twelve years on and I continued to teach, in the same position I had been from the outset, even though I was well qualified and pretty experienced. Life really was really quite mundane, quite different from a few years previously when I had been teaching and living abroad, firstly in Paris and then in Singapore. I didn't have many friends, the destructive relationship put told to that.
A couple of months later and things really took a slide downwards. In the few short months that followed moving into the house, my father died, followed by my mother's death, accompanied by the realisation that I had gone through the menopause which put paid to any chance of ever getting the longed for child, and to top it all off, the destructive relationship got even more destructive and broke down yet again (and again).
As you can imagine - all in all it was a very very black period.

And so how is life different now? Well I still live in the same house, and in fact very little of what needed doing ever got done, oops, it's very interesting how quickly one can adapt to things so much that they end up not getting done - note to self - must think about doing something about those things.
The job? things changed there, I still work at the same place only I got promoted and promoted again and now am assistant Director, which means a lot more variety and a lot more challenges and fun.
My life almost got worse after that period, but what came from it was a friend who I wasn't very close with really pulled out all the stops to be supportive and is now one of my very closest friends in the world, and along with a few others I now have a new 'family' with people who are just the loveliest, most unjudgmental caring people that I love deeply.
I picked up an old hobby (jewellery making) and went into it obsessively and turned it into a business. It takes up every second of my spare and not so spare time and gives me such enormous pleasure and satisfaction I couldn't imagine my life without it.
And finally - I had gotten to the point where I didn't want a relationship, I was happy being on my own, it was uncomplicated and easy. And then the most beautiful man entered my life who made me finally understand what love really was. He calms my soul, makes me laugh, and helps me feel like the most special person in the whole world. We have now been together for four years, and not a day goes past when I am not grateful for what I have with him.

So, if by chance anyone reading this is going through a really tough time, stick with it, things can change, sometimes they just need time, but it can so be worth the wait.
- P

the last photo of my dad at an
outdoor prom - pouring with rain.


Red Bird Jewellery said...

What an amazingly lovely blog post - brought a tear to my eye. Luckily I'm in a happy place right now too, but I still remember (and sometimes shudder) at the hard times that have been.
Off to check out the rest of your blog now...

Somethingxtraspecial said...

Thank you. I didn't know why I wanted to write that all down and then it occurred to me that it was the ten year anniversary of my mum, funny how the mind works isn't it. People always say 'things will get better' and you just can't believe it at the time, but they do. So glad you are in a good place - long may it last xxx

Dotty said...

A lovely post! My children keep telling me they don't want to change, the things they like to do and who they are, but I keep telling them that they will evolve and grow and things will happen, good and bad to give them a rich life experience. You are living proof of that. I'm glad you are in a good place:)

Somethingxtraspecial said...

Wouldn't it be awful if we didn't change - and grow - and get lines and saggy bits - oh wait maybe not the lines and saggy bits lol
Thanks for commenting Dotty - always means a lot to hear form you

Abbie said...

What a beautiful post; I'm so glad I found it. Gosh, I've just thought about where I was ten years ago compared to now, and the change is pretty extreme. It's so great when you meet a person who likes you for who you are and doesn't want to change you. Hooray for love and change and the difference a decade makes!

Somethingxtraspecial said...

And so say all of us! You have a gem as well Abbie, maybe we need to have a bit of crap in our lives to be able to see those who are special for what they are, I don't know I just know that I wouldn't have that old life back for all the vodka in Russia!

Susan P said...

Thank you for sharing this Sue. Between you and me (and the other people who read this blog) there are loads of parallels with my life here and it's really struck the proverbial chord. x

Somethingxtraspecial said...

Susan, I really hope the most powerful chord was the happy place now - if not now - then soon. xxx